Lady Love Your Brain - George Carlin's big 7 continued

As a feminist I've spent most of my life trying to emphasise that I have other features than a cunt (and, OK, tits), so the whole Cunt Love thing leaves me pretty cold. I sit on it, I wee through it, every once in a while I get to stuff a kransky into it. My brain, however, enables me to do all sorts of fun shit like writing Investment Logic Maps and being an appalling indie snob who spends her life trawling the internets for increasingly obscure and semi-listenable music by angry loners with skin diseases.

I'm really proud of today's compilation - there's some incredible stuff here, and I mean that in the literal sense of "unbelievable".

Northern Bushmen - God's Cunt - I have to confess I didn't actually have a lot of songs featuring the word Cunt - this list features pretty much all of them. So I turned to my eternal saviour the Hype Machine, and this piece of shrieking math-rock with possibly the best song name ever jumped into my lap. Do you want to marry Steve Albini? Download this.
Read more about Northern Bushmen at the Built on a Weak Spot blog.

The Cunt - Me & A Great Big Leather Man - My first boyfriend used to rent two small rooms in a shop on Sydney Rd in Brunswick in the early 90s. One was for him, the other for his vinyl collection. I wasn't allowed to touch the vinyl. In the case of Leather Donut, the Black Eye Records compilation this song appears on, I wasn't allowed to even look at it. "You'll leave eye-tracks!!!" Leather Donut now sells for around a hundred bucks on eBay if you can find it at all, so he may have had a point. Rooms on Sydney Road now rent for more than he or I can afford, and we have jobs these days.
Cousin Creep's remarkable essay/book Pissant! chronicles the alternative music Scene of the 1980s, including the Leather Donut and Waste Sausage comps. It's a bit controversial.

Jarvis Cocker - Cunts Are Still Running The World - Is this song more awesome than Common People? It's kind of neck and neck for me - I'm waiting for Leonard Nimoy to cover this one.

Nasenbluten - Cuntface - Nasenbluten was a band composed of the sort of fucksticks who think it's anything other than simple button-pushing to pick a "controversial" issue ("controversial" to the sort of people who watch Barcelona Tonight without having a headful of codeine) and write something "controversial" about it. Cuntface is hardcore techno, a genre which can collectively suck my metaphysical cock, so I'm posting Cheap Whine instead - it's at least a bit funny.

TISM - I Might Be A Cunt, But I'm Not A Fucking Cunt - I wanted to post the video to this,
but can't find it anywhere. Here's the lyrics to an earlier version of the song. This is not my favourite TISM song by a long shot, but it's a cold, cloudy, shitty day today, and when I played through this list on iTunes, it cheered me up no end.

[Brief recap for those of you who came here on a search for TISM or George Carlin - I'm posting a series of mp3s collected by typing Carlin's "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television" one by one into iTunes. This is entry #4, Cunt.]


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In Which A Whimsical and Cute Idea Turns A Bit Maudlin - George Carlin's Bogus Journey

I was sorry to hear about George Carlin's passing, but 71 is a very respectable run for a guy who not only turned "Shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker & tits" into poetry, but probably "nicotine valium vicodin marijuana ecstasy & alcohol... c-c-c-c-cocaine!!!" as well. This weekend, pull some bongs and watch Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey in his honour.

All of this faff is leading up to the Fuck entry in the Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television iTunes challenge, in which people with more mp3s than fat cells type rude words into iTunes and post the results. Today will be a heavily edited entry, obviously not out of concern for the kiddies, but because typing fuck into my iTunes search box yields a massive 84 mp3s for 253Mb. Some are repeats from earlier entries (GG Allin's Tough Fuckin' Shit), some are from albums (Who The Fuck Are The Arctic Monkeys?), and there's band names (The Pleasure Fuckers). I'm sure as hell not posting 83 songs, so here's a quick edit of the most interesting songs.

• I Like Fucking, Bikini Kill - I did coffee with one of the younger pubic servants the other day. I'm in a graduate program and I'm clearly one of the older entrants, and she was asking "So were you into grunge? Did you wear a flannel shirt?" No young lady, I danced the Charleston and wore spats. I always hear the last spoken bit of this song as "I believe in the radical consequences of pleasure", even though it's the exact opposite intent of the song (the italicised word is possibilities).

• You Fucked Up, Ween - this actually sounds fairly Melvins-ish. That link leads to a recording of the Enmore Theatre show in March 2008.

• I Got The I Fucked Someone Else And You Found Out About It And Dumped Me Blues, Mississippi Barry - from the A Minute or Less compilation, the title is pretty much the whole song.

• Too Sober To Fuck, New Waver - I'm not uploading this as apparently Greg is donating sales of the Neuters greatest hits (er... work with me here) compilation to Amnesty. If you're not familiar with New Waver's work, it consists of reworkings of popular songs with what might be called more realistic lyrics. Other efforts include Prozac (was: Heroin), Chadstone (was: Jackson), and Monday Morning's Alright for Working. You can buy Neuters from various sources.

• Well Fuck You Then, Dark Meat - this is a total cheat as I did not have this song when I first created the iTunes list, but I discovered it on You Ain't No Picasso via the Hype Machine, and fell in love instantly. Even though I feel like shit, this song is relentlessly bouncy and cheery.

• I Don't Give A Fuck, TISM - This was performed live on the best.off tour and is not released anywhere. Craplister fleur_ishere was generous enough to provide a decent recording. Why am I not posting "I Might Be A Cunt, But I'm Not A Fucking Cunt"? Because it's crap, that's why.
  

• Fucking Boyfriend, The Bird & The Bee - very pretty indie song that was a hit on RRR Breakfasters last year.

• Motherfucker from Hell, The Datsuns - unfortunately I have yet to attempt to actually fuck somebody with this song on the stereo. I do use it on the elliptical machine/cross-trainer thingy a lot, the need for which would largely explain the lack of actual fucking.

• D. F. F., Blood Duster - Let's go motherfuckers!
  

Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television, But Radio? Go Nuts.

The challenge - type each of George Carlin's Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television into iTunes and see what comes up. Post some kickin' tunes. This week, the word Piss doesn't seem to be used a lot by my favourite artists (or even the ones where I've just gone "Meh, that looks interesting" on Hype Machine then forgotten about), but what lacks in quantity we make up in quality.

• Jon Cougar Concentration Camp, Cold Piss - I wasn't expecting much when I downloaded this, being that I was more interested in the fact that this band has the funniest name I've encountered in many a year, but it's actually shitloads of fun. You think you're hot shit, but you ain't nothin' but - Cold Piss!

• Nirvana, Territorial Pissings - anyone remember the rivalry between Guns'n'Roses and Nirvana? Axl Rose, apparently expecting that he and Kurt should be natural allies - we both got beaten up at school a lot, right? - approaches Kurt in a friendly manner only to have Kurt immediately identify Axl as the guy who beat him up at high school a lot. Hilarity ensues.

• TISM, A Hard-Earned Thirst Needs A Big Cold Beer, But I Drink To Get Pissed - Truer words were never spoken.

• Patti Smith, Piss Factory - Keith McEwan, in his memoir Once A Jolly Comrade, recalled that the trigger to his joining the Australian Communist Party was getting the sack for being too good at his job. In this song, Patti discovers that on the production line, nobody likes a smart-arse.
  

• Ween, Piss Up A Rope - Apparently, you can't do it. I missed Ween's live shows this year, because I am an idiot, but Captain's Dead have kindly posted the Enmore Theatre show, which you should download immediately. This is nicked from that post. (You may like to cross-reference this with the similar sounding Tie My Pecker To My Leg, by Mojo Nixon.)

Honourable mention to Against Me!'s Piss and Vinegar - not my sort of thing, but it's available for download somewhere in this list.

Today's uploads hosted by box.net

Seven Words You Can Probably Say On Television Any Time You Like, Part I

So here's the deal. I want you to type George Carlin's seven words you can't (OK, couldn't - this is 2008, and on Australian television you just need a warning before the show) say on television, one at a time, into the search box in iTunes (or another player if that will work). Post a list of what comes up, and post some of the more interesting tunes.

This will probably work better on punk rock blogs than any other kind, but country-and-western and metal should get a look in and who knows? There's some pretty explicit olde-tyme jazz and blues out there (and yes, I know what "jazz" means, but I would never say "Jazz me baby!").

Today's word: SHIT

Song	Artist	Album
The Ol' Shit	The Beasts Of Bourbon	Sour Mash
Shit Like That	Butthole Surfers	Weird Revolution
I Wanna Fuck The Shit Out Of You	G.G. Allin and ANTiSEEN	Murder Junkies
Tough Fuckin' Shit	GG Allin	You Give Love A Bad Name
Shitcanned Again	The Immortal Lee County Killers II	Love is a Charm of Powerful Trouble
The kids are all shite	Mikrofisch	Demo 2007
Boss Shitkicker	Moodists	Two Fisted Art
Degrassi Junior High	Pigshit	Box - a tv theme tribute
3D Sex Show	Shitdisco	Kingdom Of Fear
OK	ShitDisco	Kingdom Of Fear
Bullshit	This Is Serious Mum	De Rigueurmortis
The Horse, not the Horseshit	This Is Serious Mum	De Rigueurmortis
I Shit Me	This Is Serious Mum	Great Truckin' Songs of the Renaissance
It's Novel. It's Unique. It's Shithouse	This Is Serious Mum	Hot Dogma
TISM Are Shit	This Is Serious Mum	The White Albun
Don't Shit Where You Eat	Ween	Chocolate & Cheese
You're Full of Shit	X-X	1st 7"

TISM represent! This is not a bad selection of indie rock and punk if I may say so myself.

"I Wanna Fuck The Shit Out Of You" is about one thousandth as good as it should be, but "Tough Fuckin' Shit" is great and has a wonderfully incongruous surf guitar intro.

"OK" by Shitdisco is on permanent rotation in the "Aerobics" folder of my iRiver.

"You're Full of Shit" is a mystery song that sounds quite a bit like the Voidoids. I don't know where I got it, I don't know anything about the band, and I can't find them by searching (x-x is one of those unsearchable band names, like Fuck and The The) - little help here?

Ween are represented in other sections of this list. Today, they have some advice you really can't ignore.

OK, now it's your turn. And you know, tits shouldn't even be on the list!

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