Well, somebody clearly shook somebody for a certain amount of time

Sarah Taylor from The Taylor Project recently welcomed an as-yet-unnamed baby woman into the VPS, I mean the world. This is a momentous event, yet I feel a small cringe of guilt. Prior to the happy event Sarah and I had gone to see AC/DC live in Melbourne to get in touch with our inner (or not so inner) bogan. More or less as a direct result, several of the presents at her baby shower had AC/DC references on them, despite the fact that Sarah's favourite band of that era is Guns'n'Roses and strictly speaking the items should have had huge afro wigs or at least a headband to cover the baby's baldness.

Nevertheless, as much as I love Gunners, I just don't find them iconic in the way that AC/DC are - possibly because no member of AC/DC has publicly gone crazy Broadway-style the way Axl Rose has, which is not to dismiss the multiply orgasmic qualities of You Could Be Mine.

And I'd been drunkenly burbling to Sarah about what a Zen koan You (Shook Me All Night Long) is. It's about fucking. One particular incident of fucking. It describes the personal qualities of the co-respondent that resulted in said fucking being particularly memorable. It has 3 chords, possibly less. It has the lines "Working double time/on the seduction line", which is unusually clever for an AC/DC song.

And it is surprising - although perhaps it shouldn't be - how well the song works for ladies. I mean, lady singers. Some of them change the lyrics slightly ("he was the best damn lover I have ever seen"), some don't bother. Some of the artists below do faithful-ish rock versions, others, like Bing Ji Ling, reggae it the fuck up. The Tights run it through Emotional Rescue-era Stones. They are all brilliant.

"This is gonna be a fuckin' drunken mess, and we're not even drunk" - Matt Nathanson's bar-room singalong is so joyous you'll wish you were there.

Matt Nathanson - You (Shook Me All Night Long)

Do you remember "Diamond" Dave Lee Roth's version of "Just A Gigolo"? Like that.

The Lost Fingers - Thunderstruck/You (Shook Me All Night Long)

Now it starts getting weird. I used the word reggae about this one, but to be honest, I'm wondering if Tiny Tim should have covered this instead of Highway to Hell.

Bing Ji Ling - You (Shook Me All Night Long)

Not to be confused with the 70s punk rockers, The Tights from Philadelphia run through the jungle with this one. Modded to accommodate heterosexual women.

The Tights - You (Shook Me All Night Long)

I didn't like Arab Strap's version when I first heard it, but it has a certain endearing drunkenness to it, like a Scottish Shane McGowan.

Arab Strap - You (Shook Me All Night Long)

Tori Amos. You know what to expect here.

Tori Amos - You (Shook Me All Night Long)

Necrology's version is fucking brilliant - a Cookie Monster version which doesn't lose any of the fun of the original. Taken from the compilation For Those About To Rot, a tribute album with AC/DC songs by black metal, thrash, prog and hair metal bands.

Necrology - You (Shook Me All Night Long)

And, of course, no compilation of this song would be complete without Canada's finest export after Katy Beaton. Rockists claimed the universe would fold in on itself because of this performance, but Celine is having a ball and it's a lot less tragic than the version with Steven Tyler where Angus Young looks exactly like the head of our Freedom of Information unit. Find it yourself on YouTube - I'm too sad.

Ron Asheton Tribute, Cherry Bar, 21 March 2009

The Stooges are one of those bands I like but not enough to do much about (I own one album), but when I heard Kim Salmon was playing with Mick Harvey at this belated tribute to the late Ron Asheton I thought I'd better go and see that. I never saw Bored! during the early 90s - the whole "Geelong scene" left me pretty cold, me not being interested in scenesters - so I had the always interesting experience of having pretty much no idea who anyone on stage was. It did occur to me at one point that this was probably the closest I'd ever get to seeing the Scientists, though.



Kim Salmon & Mick Harvey, Raw Power


I will confess right now that I had no idea what was happening in the first part of Bored!'s set, and found out through a review in InPress. For the first half, Fiona Lee Maynard was on vocals in a tribute to Asheton's version of Destroy All Monsters. It was great fun, but of course I didn't know any of the songs, although a stylish version of These Boots Were Made For Walking was accompanied by the snazziest blue snakeskin cowboy boots I have ever seen (not pictured). 

After Fiona's contribution the guy in the video below got on stage and proceeded to kick the shit out of us. I have no idea who this guy was (and neither do you, you can't see a face in the video), but I needed to scrub beer, glass and possibly blood out of all of my clothes the next day. 

Bored! I Wanna Be Your Dog


More images at my Flickr set. 

Victorian Bushfire Appeal

Look, you don't know me and I don't know you. You might have come in here from my latest (or even a really ancient) review from JayIsGames. You might have finally found that long-elusive copy of the Furry Men of the North's I Like Looking At Naked Men on the Hype Machine. Maybe you're a bored Kingdom of Loathing veteran with nothing better to do than flick idly through fellow /vet's profiles. Maybe I've left a helpful comment on your blog, or a flippant one-liner on your forum.

Nearly 20 years ago now, Henry Rollins described the LA riots as "The Shit Is On Fire Show". Well, this year The Shit Is On Fire Show is playing a sold out season in my state.

New York Times - Death Toll in Australian Fires Climbs to 131
Guardian - Australia bushfires death toll may reach 200
Al Jazeera - Australia PM: Fires are mass murder
Le Monde - L'Australie accablée par des incendies meurtriers

You get the idea. I and my loved ones are fine, but as I read the internets I keep calling home (in the Yarra Valley) every hour on the hour and reminding my parents about how they've always dreamed of buying a yacht and living on St Kilda pier. NOW WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD TIME, GUYS.

Not everyone has been so fortunate, and the death toll is so massive that everyone knows someone who's lost everything - widowed, orphaned and/or holed up in a burlap sack in one of the Red Cross camps across the state. I'm not gonna pull your dick any more - you know what I'm building up to here.

Australian Red Cross Bushfire Appeal 2009
Salvation Army Victorian Bushfire Appeal (for Australians - outside Australia, go here)
Bendigo Bank Bushfire Appeal
Do a little shopping (Coles donation day, Friday 13th February)

If you're one of these people who've gone sane and don't have a credit card, the National Australia Bank has an account you can transfer funds into.

National Australia Bank
NAB account: BSB 082001 Account #: 860046797

Let's face it, if you're reading this blog you were only going to go and blow $20 on the latest shitty time-management clone or Pitchfork-endorsed whiners, so go buy yourself some good karma instead.

EDIT: Commenter Alex from the British Red Cross notes that "Visitors from the UK can also donate through the British Red Cross at www.redcross.org.uk/bushfires."

OTHER EDIT: If you're able to volunteer your time and skills, call 1300 366 356 or register at http://www.govolunteer.com.au/volunteer/events.htm. People with medical skills are certainly welcome to volunteer, but people are also sought to distribute donated goods at the relief centres, provide catering and other support to volunteer firefighters, and clean up after the fires have been doused. Know that volunteer organisations may take a while to get back to you - we have been inundated with potential volunteers, and need to match offers of help with areas of need.

ANOTHER EDIT: The Victorian RSPCA has some requests. They have enough people to billet pets, but they currently need blankets, temporary fencing and those 'green' bags that supermarkets sell.

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You Got Nothing I Want - Cold Chisel 101

Back in December '07, Bitterandrew from Armagideon Time posted a summary of an old issue of Hit Parader from November 1981, which rather intriguingly mentions Cold Chisel as "an Aussie rock outfit deemed 'likely' to follow in the footsteps of AC/DC and Air Supply". I asked if he'd actually heard any Chisels and he was curious, so I thought I'd remedy the total lack of Cold Chisel on The Hype Machine and try to explain it to our FTA partners.

How would you explain Chisels to an American? The first thing that jumps to mind is the "Freebird" joke. You know how this goes - you go and see some sensitive balladeer like Sufjan Stevens or Ryan Adams and, during a lull in the show, some wag in the audience yells "Freebird!". Well, in Australia, it's "Play some Chisels!".

An unsuspecting migrant trying to fill in Australia's immigration tests might wrongly think that Australia's national anthem is Advance Australia Fair. The correct answer is, of course, Khe Sanh, the poignant tale of a VietNam vet who returns to Australia only to fail to cope with civilian life. To adequately describe the significance of this Australian Marseillaise, I must turn to people far more competent than I:

an incredibly annoying song that is played at the end of every outer suburban Year 12 Social to a group of vomiting underage drinkers, and every function involving boorish Rock Spider Aussies making utter cocks of themselves abroad, and every footy trip/Grand Final barbeque/buck's night, or any other gathering popular with people who's main philosophy is 2-4-6-8-Bash-A-Gay-Til-He's-Straight...

During the 70s and 80s, Cold Chisel and their fans were despised by indie and alternative types, many of whom bore bruises inflicted by Chisels' more closely-related fans, and it was not until about the middle of this decade that Cold Chisel enjoyed a certain amount of rehabilitation (although songwriter Don Walker has always been held in high esteem by your male white Hornby wannabe's, and rightly so).

In general, Cold Chisel's most popular songs are straight-down-the-line rock, with some sentimental ballads slowing the pace a little. What saves Chisels from being utter shit is the quality of the songwriting. Mostly handled by Don Walker - but all members of the band contributed songs - the songs enable you to see the characters and step into their lives. I don't write this lightly - when you listen to Ita, you can see the stoner share-house full of bogans watching quality TV like Beauty and the Beast. You can relate to the guy who foolishly told his girlfriend they should take a break from their relationship, only for her to up stumps and get married to someone else. I absolutely guarantee you're hankering to rip the headset off, tell the customer to go fuck themselves and head off to Bow River, whatever that may be for you. I mean, for me Bow River is the East Brunswick Club (I have small dreams). The point is that just because I'm a middle-class* softcock doesn't mean I can't see myself in a Chisels song. Here's a great little explanation of the appeal of the Ian Moss-penned Bow River.

*For widely varying definitions of middle class - the reason this post is four months overdue is that I got a job as a real live pubic servant in February, and my life has been a whirlwind of business cases and benchmarking and probity, but not the good kind of probity.

You Must Know:

Khe Sanh
Just what it says on the box. If you don't know any other Chisels songs, this is the one you need to know.

My Turn To Cry
"When I told you just have a good time I think you took me all wrong - next thing you're engaged and a kid is coming along." Remember Barnsey next time you're thinking of suggesting to your partner that you should consider a trial separation.

Choir Girl
Possibly the world's only Top 40 hit about abortion.

No Sense
No Sense is unusual in two regards - firstly, it's stylistically quite distinct from Cold Chisel's typical output, and secondly, it was written by singer Jimmy Barnes, whose career both in Cold Chisel and as a solo artist has not suggested that spiky, post-punk screeds are really his thing.

Bow River
Like a more mainstream version of Take This Job And Shove It.

You Got Nothing I Want
Chisels' response to not breaking the American market.

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Voting above the line - will it bring on the apocalypse?

Last Federal Election, I spent a great deal of time printing out "how to vote" pdfs from the Australian Electoral Commission to reassure myself that I hadn't done anything that might have caused Family First's Steve Fielding to get elected. In fact, I hadn't - I'd spent a good ten minutes painstakingly voting below the line, numbering my preferences from 1 to about 15 or so, then going the other way and sequencing the bottom numbers from 63 up to about 40, then trying to remember where I was up to on each side so I didn't accidentally end up with two 36's and invalidate my vote.

(For non-Australian readers, voting is compulsory and enforced in this country, and it is preferential, which means you number your preferences in order, so that an electorate selects the candidate they despise the least. The AEC publishes a handy Flash guide here. It's pretty easy at the House of Reps level, where you'll have maybe 10 candidates at most to rank, but the Senate is where every unelectable freak chooses to express themselves, blowing out the numbers to 60-70 candidates. As a result, there is the option to vote "above the line", where you tick one box, say, Australian Democrats, and you accept that party's preferences. Understandably, it's a pretty hardcore political nerd who bothers to vote below the line.)

Anyhoo, for the current election I stumbled on the extremely useful listing of group voting tickets for the Senate. Simply pick the state you live in, download the pdf and find out how political parties are distributing their votes. Each party's votes cover two pages of pdf - just find the party closest to your ideological outlook and make sure they haven't done anything hilarious like preference a party that's largely against what most of their supporters would want just to spite a party that's reasonably similar to what most of their supporters would want. (You can interpret that any way you like.)