Ron Asheton Tribute, Cherry Bar, 21 March 2009

The Stooges are one of those bands I like but not enough to do much about (I own one album), but when I heard Kim Salmon was playing with Mick Harvey at this belated tribute to the late Ron Asheton I thought I'd better go and see that. I never saw Bored! during the early 90s - the whole "Geelong scene" left me pretty cold, me not being interested in scenesters - so I had the always interesting experience of having pretty much no idea who anyone on stage was. It did occur to me at one point that this was probably the closest I'd ever get to seeing the Scientists, though.



Kim Salmon & Mick Harvey, Raw Power


I will confess right now that I had no idea what was happening in the first part of Bored!'s set, and found out through a review in InPress. For the first half, Fiona Lee Maynard was on vocals in a tribute to Asheton's version of Destroy All Monsters. It was great fun, but of course I didn't know any of the songs, although a stylish version of These Boots Were Made For Walking was accompanied by the snazziest blue snakeskin cowboy boots I have ever seen (not pictured). 

After Fiona's contribution the guy in the video below got on stage and proceeded to kick the shit out of us. I have no idea who this guy was (and neither do you, you can't see a face in the video), but I needed to scrub beer, glass and possibly blood out of all of my clothes the next day. 

Bored! I Wanna Be Your Dog


More images at my Flickr set. 

Tex Perkins, James Cruikshank & Charlie Owen (with Tim Rogers) - photos & video

I bought a new camera, and took a few photos at this gig. If you've read this blog before you know I occasionally whinge about how such-and-such a touring band didn't play MY favourite album track that no-one else gives a shit about. I had no such problem at this event - Can't Say No, Hard for You, even Psycho! I didn't get film because I prefer to enjoy myself at these things. :)

For your delectation, however (OK, I was just dicking around with the camera), I took a couple of videos which you may observe below.

"Any Old Time"


"Great Apes"

Bushfire epilogue

I visited my family last week, and had lunch at Eludae, a nice little place apparently recommended for coeliacs (I have a cast-iron stomach so can only go by what I hear). After a sumptuous and filling tapas spread (pic below), my parents showed me around where the fires had hit Healesville. 

I am so glad I didn't know how close the fire got when it was happening. As it was, I spent about two weeks in my safe city workplace reading the CFA website and trying not to read the papers, watching the awareness messages get upgraded and downgraded and generally feeling like Homer Simpson - 

Burns: Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly
hello...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...and goodbye! You're fired!
Homer: [gags] [heart speeds up]
Burns: But, wait. Perhaps I'm being too hasty. You _are_ highly
skilled...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...at goofing off!
Homer: Aaargh! [heart beats faster]
Burns: Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really
dig...
Homer: Whew...[heart slows down]
Burns: ...a grave for!
Homer: Aaargh! [heart beats faster than anything]
Burns: Your indolence is inefficacious!
Homer: [stares blankly] [heart beats normally]
Burns: That means, you're terrible!
Homer: Aarrggghh! [heart goes crazy] [collapses]
(courtesy The Simpsons Archive, "Homer's Triple Bypass")

The fires got to within a brisk walk of the township of Healesville proper, with several properties that could only be described as "razed". I didn't take any pictures - it felt wrong. I was struck by the fact that the burnt areas are red, not black as I was expecting. My parents' house is right in the middle of two of the fires - patches of red surround their place and I wonder if it's our turn next year. 

Still, as the photo above illustrates, people are not letting it bother them. 

Victorian Bushfire Appeal

Look, you don't know me and I don't know you. You might have come in here from my latest (or even a really ancient) review from JayIsGames. You might have finally found that long-elusive copy of the Furry Men of the North's I Like Looking At Naked Men on the Hype Machine. Maybe you're a bored Kingdom of Loathing veteran with nothing better to do than flick idly through fellow /vet's profiles. Maybe I've left a helpful comment on your blog, or a flippant one-liner on your forum.

Nearly 20 years ago now, Henry Rollins described the LA riots as "The Shit Is On Fire Show". Well, this year The Shit Is On Fire Show is playing a sold out season in my state.

New York Times - Death Toll in Australian Fires Climbs to 131
Guardian - Australia bushfires death toll may reach 200
Al Jazeera - Australia PM: Fires are mass murder
Le Monde - L'Australie accablée par des incendies meurtriers

You get the idea. I and my loved ones are fine, but as I read the internets I keep calling home (in the Yarra Valley) every hour on the hour and reminding my parents about how they've always dreamed of buying a yacht and living on St Kilda pier. NOW WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD TIME, GUYS.

Not everyone has been so fortunate, and the death toll is so massive that everyone knows someone who's lost everything - widowed, orphaned and/or holed up in a burlap sack in one of the Red Cross camps across the state. I'm not gonna pull your dick any more - you know what I'm building up to here.

Australian Red Cross Bushfire Appeal 2009
Salvation Army Victorian Bushfire Appeal (for Australians - outside Australia, go here)
Bendigo Bank Bushfire Appeal
Do a little shopping (Coles donation day, Friday 13th February)

If you're one of these people who've gone sane and don't have a credit card, the National Australia Bank has an account you can transfer funds into.

National Australia Bank
NAB account: BSB 082001 Account #: 860046797

Let's face it, if you're reading this blog you were only going to go and blow $20 on the latest shitty time-management clone or Pitchfork-endorsed whiners, so go buy yourself some good karma instead.

EDIT: Commenter Alex from the British Red Cross notes that "Visitors from the UK can also donate through the British Red Cross at www.redcross.org.uk/bushfires."

OTHER EDIT: If you're able to volunteer your time and skills, call 1300 366 356 or register at http://www.govolunteer.com.au/volunteer/events.htm. People with medical skills are certainly welcome to volunteer, but people are also sought to distribute donated goods at the relief centres, provide catering and other support to volunteer firefighters, and clean up after the fires have been doused. Know that volunteer organisations may take a while to get back to you - we have been inundated with potential volunteers, and need to match offers of help with areas of need.

ANOTHER EDIT: The Victorian RSPCA has some requests. They have enough people to billet pets, but they currently need blankets, temporary fencing and those 'green' bags that supermarkets sell.

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One Hundred Pushups

I don't really like sport. In fact, I'm not much into any physical activity that doesn't involve lifting weights 12 ounces at a time, or bench-pressing some late-20s hottie with my inner thighs. I don't like sports people, seeing them as much more like Wayne Carey than John Landy. Thankfully, I've been surrounded by people who are genuinely interested in fitness and health, rather than in being into sport because they're utter sheep, which has been invaluable in my motivation and learning.

So motivating myself to get regular exercise has been quite challenging, and much more related to 'push' factors (not wanting to be fat anymore, not wanting to get sick every six weeks, not wanting to be depressed... see how they're all negative?) than 'pull' factors (such as being healthy, which takes quite a while, or even being better looking, which takes frickin' ages). Like just about everyone who's lost a lot of weight, my progress is starting to level off - I'm still losing weight, but not at the comparatively rapid pace I enjoyed when I started. I'm getting bored with my workouts, bored with the music I play (need more Hype Machine!) and am generally treading water.

To break it up, I'm trying to introduce some external, quantitative motivations - I'd like to set objective benchmarks for myself (I'm probably never going to think I look any good, so I'm better off setting a totally objective goal like "I can run 4km in less than 30 minutes"). One is to participate in a fun run where I actually run - in previous efforts I've walked the distance and not bothered with timing. And the other day I rather spontaneously decided to do the One Hundred Pushups challenge. The fact that they conveniently have a pushups logger appeals to my not-so-inner nerd (if you'd like to check my progress, you can search for user baker1). The best thing about it is that it shows a clear numerical progress, which is simple and easy to observe - not necessarily the case with weight loss, where you may confront the I'm-smaller-but-haven't-lost-weight-WTF phenomenon. Given that I'm starting at the lowest possible level - the exhaustion test led to, wait for it, THREE (3) whole pushups ('man' style, from the toes, and done on the floor rather than from the side of my coffee table where I usually do it) - the only way is up, baby! Even if I don't make it to one hundred in six weeks (in fact, I think that's pretty unlikely), to try and fail is still beneficial. Wish me luck frickin' hard work.

Taylor Project - co-workers who don't suck

Back in the late '90s, when I had no job skillz worth speaking of, I worked at an accounting firm. It was, shall we say, a subculture free zone. When I mentioned that my boyfriend was in a band (a shite band, to be sure, but a band that had original songs nevertheless) my cow-orker responded "Oh yes, my boyfriend's in a U2 covers band". All I could do was nod and smile. I don't think I've really developed my nodding and smiling abilities since then.

In the mid '00s, I worked at a certain statutory authority (won't say who, but I will say that once you work in public service departments that are answerable to a Minister, you start to appreciate statutory authorities, who are answerable to "Parliament" and therefore don't have to give blowjobs to ministers as part of their role - in fact they can deliver six of the best and demand that Parliament beg for more) and met one of the members of what is currently called The Taylor Project. At that time the band was called Because We Can, and clearly their ability at naming bands has not improved at all. Thankfully, there is an almost perfect inverse correlation between how good a band's name is and how good the band are. The Taylor Project have an album out, and a Myspace. You should look them up and see them.

Taylor Project - Ballarat On A Good Day


Last time I was in Ballarat was the last time I saw Uncle Brian alive. At that time, I weighed 90kg and had been single for a piddling 12 months - little did I know that my vow to not sleep with anyone for any reason other than clitoral (in other words, only because I'm horny - not because I'm lonely, bored, depressed or any other excuse) was going to collapse into a tragic punchline. I was 28 and I decided to go on a roadtrip, said roadtrip eventually taking me to the George 2000 Hotel, where the concierge/waitress/bouncer was legally obliged to warn me about the over-28's disco downstairs. My plans to go to bed early were disrupted by the fact that, actually, the over-28's disco downstairs was every bit as obnoxious as the concierge/waitress/bouncer had led me to believe, so I went to the movies at the lovely old cinema next door. I chose Bridget Jones' Diary.

See "tragic punchline" above.

The next morning I caught up with Uncle Brian and Auntie Maisie - strictly speaking my mother's aunt and uncle. We hit a few op shops, where I picked up a goodly selection of trashy novels, including Paula Christian's excellent Love Is Where You Find It, and went for coffee. I had a lovely time, and Brian kicked off a few years later at quite a decent old age. It's a nice way to remember him.

Taylor Project - Making Other Plans

I would just like to say to Chris whom I spoke to at the Espy on New Year's Eve - I wasn't politely giving you the flick, I gave you my Facebook details because I figured it was less invasive than giving out a phone number. I swear I'm not mad at you for squashing me the first time we met.

Taylor Project - Animals (They Dream In Black And White)

In which Sarah and Liz somehow make grinding inevitability sound sexy.

Because We Can - England

Frank Bongiorno, Of Tinnies and Sheilas, Inside Story, 02/01/09

I have lost 13 kg in 9 months

A while ago I spent a pleasant evening trying on old clothes that I've kept for five years, hoping I will someday fit back into them. For the most part, it was a highly gratifying experience - "ZOMG I HAVE THE SAME WAISTLINE I HAD FIVE YEARS AGO!!1!". I did a pretty large wardrobe cull, ditching the sort of clothes I bought because I was both fat and poor - in other words, they're shit but they're all I can afford with a BMI of 37. Now that I have a job and a BMI of 29, I can buy clothes because I'm fat but have a regular income (although 13kg is a highly respectable loss, it means I'm now just overweight as opposed to morbidly obese).

It wasn't all streamers and party favours. I tried on my favourite plain black linen dress that made me look fantastic... only to turn around and realise that the bum had been almost entirely worn away. I went commando for this exercise so there were great big pink patches looming out of the holes. I don't think I've ever gone from "Awesome!" to "Shittang!" so fast.

The other sad loss was my party dresses, two gorgeous flowing retro gowns from the late 60s or early 70s which are size 22. Yes, I could get them adjusted... but it's as if it would ruin their authenticity. (Also, I have a long and sad history of getting clothes adjusted, never to wear them again.) Ever had a beloved relative's wedding ring re-sized? Just doesn't feel right, does it?

Aside from doing a very public happy dance, the other reason for this post is to give props and point readers towards some of the online tools I've used for information and general prodding.

Stumptuous
I've written about Stumptuous before, and I tend just to read the blog these days, but the articles were very important in my original education - learning about why it's usually better to use free weights than machines, the interaction between weight training and cardio (I could throw yoga in there as well, but I just can't be arsed), some simple dietary tips.
The other major benefit I got from Stumptuous was Krista's Stumptuous Fitness Model contest. The winner, Deb, was fatter than me, older than me and had more personal responsibility than me (kids, work), and she lost 40+ kg over 2 years and is now a triathlete. That's not my preference - I'm just trying to get laid - but it does blow away excuses like "I'm too old, it's too late in life, I'm too busy". Read the other entries in the blog - they're all quite amazing.

CalorieKing
CalorieKing used to cost money to subscribe, and I really do think that Borushek and co. should get some sort of tax break for making it a free to public service (their business model is supported by the sale of the ever-popular Calorie Counter book as well as software and gadgets). I hate to sound like a late-night infomercial, but it really has made a huge difference to my progress.
The way it works is, you enter the food you've eaten and the exercise you've done into your personal database, and you can see how much over your suggested calorie target you are. You can set the calorie target yourself and choose your weight loss goal. If you enter the information reasonably accurately, it will show you exactly why you're not losing as much weight as you could (yes, a skinny latte in the morning is just what you need, but three of them? They're not THAT skinny). It's good not to take it too seriously - my fat intake is way over the recommended 30g per day, yet it makes up no more than 35% of my daily calories and it certainly hasn't delayed a very satisfactory weight reduction. (It's supposed to be 30%, but then people who lift weights are supposed to have a bit more... see why you shouldn't take it too seriously?)

YMCA
It's fun to stay at the YYYYYYY, M C A... whilst there are certainly attractive gay men at my club, the main attraction for me is the staff (gay or otherwise). They have been absolutely invaluable in helping me shake up my routine so I don't plateau (I did plateau in September and October, but that was because I decided to take some time off to volunteer for Melbourne Fringe and then go to a wedding - considering the amount of lard and booze I inhaled, I'm lucky I just flatlined rather than porking out again). They'll prod you to do better but not in a stupid way (hint: Learn to tell the difference between "argh I'm fat and lazy and don't want to do this" pain and "oh fuck I just ripped out a tendon" pain, it will help).

iPod
I was originally using an iRiver T10 to listen to music, and whilst I'm very satisfied with the sound and quality of iRiver products (provided you don't need luxuries like "documentation"), it was quite a large unit by the standards of MP3 players, and you had to use a highly dodgy standard lanyard attachment which wore out in two seconds under athletic conditions. To make matters worse, it would bounce hilariously from F-cup breast to F-cup breast if I did anything more difficult than stretching. (Aside from needing to replace my wardrobe every five minutes, the other major downside of losing so much weight was having my cup size go up as my backfat disappeared - I went from an easy-to-buy 18E to a Lord Lucan 14G. Did you know cup sizes go up to K???) So I bought an iPod shuffle that I could clip to my shirt.
This bit isn't really so much a hand job for Steve Jobs as a chance to introduce you to some excellent treadmill music. (Interestingly, I don't seem to need music as much for lifting weights - it's nice, but not necessary.) Although I try to mix it up, the fact is that some songs are just essential to endure the horror that is hateful, hateful cardio. Have I made it clear that I hate cardio? I hate cardio.

Kickstart My Heart, Motley Crue
Surely the greatest piece of jock-rock ever released. I don't think this song even has any other purpose except to cover re-runs of sportsmen getting severely and hilariously injured.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Daft Punk
Not into metal? Daft Punk's Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger seems to have just the right BPM to shift from easy to intermediate to run like you stole something in the space of 3 min 44 secs.

Gimme Some Head, GG Allin
I remain helplessly addicted to GG's catchy, offensive punk rock. This is just what you need to get into that 80% maximum heart rate... that's the level of effort where you can talk but can't sing, and thank Christ for that. Some girls really stiffen my tongue, so spread your legs, I'm gonna get me some...

Girl in the Sweater, The Hard-Ons
One of the best things I've ever seen on television was a news report back in the late '80s or early '90s where a cute young female newsreader, very clearly reading an autocue, announced that "Aussie acts are making great strides overseas, with bands such as the Hoodoo Gurus, InXs and the - Hard-Ons????" (face collapsing as she tries to hold it together). It was so obvious that the only reason the news report was even scheduled was to make this girl lose it. This song is awesome because it has a chorus that goes "woah-oh-oh-woah-ohoh", which as we all know makes a good song excellent.

Some other faves -

Whisky In The Jar, Metallica
Dance Commander, Electric Six
Be My Guru, The Hoodoo Gurus
Outta My Head, Spiderbait
Why Does The Sun Shine?, They Might Be Giants
OK, Shitdisco
Black Math, The White Stripes
Feel Good Hit of the Summer, Queens of the Stone Age
Toxic (Peter Rauhofer remix), Britney Spears (what? I got it off my ten year old niece...)

Oh... My... God... Chinese Democracy

That's not the good kind of Oh My God.

Are any of you old enough to remember when Guns'n'Fuckin'Roses were the Greatest Band On Earth™?

What the fuck happened to the band that gave us hilariously overblown rock bombast like Coma and November Rain? It's still overblown and bombastic... but it's not hilarious.

(It's too much to dare hope for the band that gave us Night Train, It's So Easy, or even Patience.)

www.myspace.com/gunsnroses... if you dare.

Reels/Models, Prince of Wales, 25 September 08

It's been a while since I've been the youngest person at a rock show, so this gig was rather special for me. Paying $9 for an Asahi was a sure sign that I'm a real old person now - fortunately I was prevented from any further financial stupidity by the massing hordes of Reels fans refusing to let me get back to the bar.

I was never into the Reels when they were big - I was too young (I had my ninth birthday the year Shout & Deliver was released) and later, too much of a rockist. I'm still not in love with a lot of their music, finding it a bit dirgey, although I like their Bacharach covers. But they were on the bill and I'd paid for them, so there you go. Dave Mason didn't do much for my expectations by turning up on stage looking like your friendly neighbourhood kiddy-fiddler, and his voice took a couple of songs to warm up. The fans, however, did not - I was being regaled with tales of how awesome they were at this or that festival and how excellent this show was going to be well before the band got anywhere near the stage. Between the adoring audience and the band being MUCH better live than on record, I had an unexpectedly good time, bopping away to comparatively unfamiliar songs like 'After the News' and 'Prefab Heart' as if they were old favourites. It's a pity they couldn't have had an encore - the crowd wanted it and the band deserved it. Also, I spent a lot of time yelling "Play some Chisels!" and they didn't do it!

Reels do Chisels:


Models were... interesting. A bit of backstory - last time I saw the Models it was a free show at the Espy featuring the classic lineup, before James Freud joined. Unfortunately, I had my period and despite being one of the best shows I've ever seen, all I could think of was the fact that I had a molten rock in my lower abdomen. So I was keen to see them in a slightly better state of repair, and only slightly disconcerted by the fact that James Freud was featured in this lineup. (Note for overseas readers - James Freud is alternately blamed/praised for taking the Models in the direction of commercial career success, having written the mega-hit Out of Mind, Out of Sight. I tend towards blame, myself.)

I didn't know who most of the band were, and I suspect the fans behind me may have been less than impressed. James Freud is looking surprisingly good these days, having presumably gone on the wagon for real this time. However, Father forgive me for I have sinned, I spent rather a lot of time drooling at his 20 year old son Jackson (rhythm guitar). It's a fine line between cougar and pedophile and I think I may have crossed it.

I own a copy of Alphabravocharliedeltaechofoxtrotgolf, and of course I know the big radio hits, but I don't know any other songs. Most of the setlist was from Cut Lunch, Pleasure of Your Company, or Out of Mind Out of Sight, and included On, Two Cabs to the Toucan, Cut Lunch, Facing the North Pole in August, and a bunch of other stuff I didn't know. Still, it was an OK set, even when they let Freud's other son Harrison come on and sing one of his own band's songs (inoffensive commercial heavy rock), and I was rather getting the shits with the woman behind me who kept yelling "Local and/or General, Sean!" as if Sean Kelly is her personal valet. And I really enjoyed hearing "Modern Girl" live.

It wasn't what I hoped for, but I didn't feel ripped off.


James Freud and the Teenage Radio Stars, Modern Girl



Two Cabs for the Toucan, Models


On, Models



Jackson Freud's band Sonic Dogma on triplej unearthed - don't bother with Rock City, listen to Dog Day Afternoon.

EDIT: Commenter Dick Bukakke/newtownmack has posted videos of the Sydney show over at YouTube, as well as ROOT!, Ween and DEVO!